A Bear and Her Blog

04/09/2024

Life has been... Something lately, that's a good way to put it. A lot of things too personal to share on the internet with specifics, for the time being. It feels like every single time headway is made, and things look up, something has to come along and yank the rug out from under me. I just can't catch a break, it feels like. I've been falling in to bad habits again, though, I am aware of them and being able to drag myself out is thankfully not a point that I see it being impossible. Right when I was ready to really get back in to things, it's like problems just piled right up in front of me.

Sorry if this blog update is a bit of a downer, I just kind of need to vent I guess? At the very least I've been working on small creative projects that I'm proud of, I've been gradually getting in to digital art. I think I need to make a page dedicated to my Gondola memes at this point. I love the little guy, might even replace a planned shrine with him.

I'm at a point of I want so desperately to work on my creative outlets, but life isn't allowing it. And, I hate it. I'm tired, so tired.

02/26/2024

Apologies for the lull in updates, have some stuff going on that have forced me to refocus where my time goes. Hopefully, things will be smooth sailing after this week. I have been off and on working on the unfinished pages, but due to the lull in activity my HTML/CSS is rusty now, so that's gonna take more time than I would like. Otherwise, things are relatively okay for me, and I think will continue to move forward. Gonna start posting stuff to the Youtube channel again. Gonna do recording and whatnot on the weekends, gonna reduce uploads to something more manageable, and gonna expand content scope a bit beyond what it is to have a more creative outlet. Game dev has stalled a bit, but that's msotly due to being busy, need to hop back on that train too.

This update is a bit short and rambly, sorry for that, just wanting to get something out about plans going forward.

01/31/2024

To my surprise things are still on going relatively smooth, I guess I'm due for a win after everything. Still working on getting a place of my own, but that's easier said than done with the current climate of things. Hopefully, that changes soon. Otherwise a lot of my focus has shifted to my game development, though, I did admittedly slack a bit today because of poor sleep. Yeah, back on the poor sleep train, long passed sleepy time junction.

My mood has been strange, an odd mix of melancholy and hopeful. Hoping to get the pages here done in the nearish future, I know I keep saying I need to and keep saying I am going to, I am very bad at deadlines. Also have plans to return to my Youtube channel with some changes, so there's that too. I'm trying not to pick up too many projects at once, it's very difficult to temper myself in that regard I've learned. Either way, things will get done, as to what will get done? Good question. I am at least updating this place regularly!

I imagine things will pick up significantly in the getting things done regard when I have a place of my own, for a variety of reasons. Oh, I am also probably gonna do like a music page or something, because surprise it's a huge part of my life and I wanna share things. This update is a bit spacy, I am aware, just kind of... I don't know, feeling buzzy? Is that a feeling? Creative wheels are spinning, and I just want to make things, hopefully I don't stunlock myself this time.

01/19/2024

Things have been going pretty smooth lately, I keep intending to wrap up the other pages I have here, but always end up either too busy or something else holding my attention. I recently discovered on top of being on the Autism Spectrum I also have ADHD, which might be a contributer to that sort of thing in hindsight. The winter storms have gotten in the way of a lot as well, what looked like was going to be a quick and strong bounce back has once again been out off by things out of my control.

Thankfully, the winter storms here are only temporary, and should just be a delay. I want to update this blog more often, but sometimes I struggle to come up with what to say. I've gotten rusty with coding again, so I need to hop back on to that and get a bit of a refresher, I think thats been a contributer to the lack of site updates beyond the blog; additional stickers; and just small things here or there. But, there are plans, I have external docs with everything I need to actually get the under construction pages filled out. It's just a matter of getting it all there, coding it, and actually doing the thing.

I also have plans to maybe share a little writing, or just make another page to post the creative works I make. Haven't made my mind up on that one, though. I think the first thing I need to do is like, maybe a chat box or something for people to leave messages and communicate. I might make a little Revolt (FOSS alternative to Discord) server or something too, while I'm at it and add it to the page. Also need to make a button, I have one in place that I'm not happy with so I haven't added it to the main page. I'm also going to be moving things over to a proper, custom URL soon.

And, well, that about wraps up everything on my mind atm. And, I hope it's at least a good indicator of my plans and what I want to do with this site moving forward. Got a little brain fog, so it might be a little scattered. Either way, I wish you all well and to those enduring the same winter storms as me I wish you luck.

01/04/2024

This entry is more just kind of thoughts. I've been looking back at things I've made in the past, nothing special just little Gondola memes, and it finally dawned on me just how far along some of the skills I've picked up have come along. The whole purpose of me making my Youtube channel was for the sake of learning how to edit videos, and just to have a little fun hobby on the side, and it's really actually kind of paid off. Jumping back in to Vegas Pro after over a year of not using it, it all just came right back. It's a little boost to my self confidence if we're being honest. Life is slow now, I'm still rebuilding everything, but things are looking up. They will never be what they were again, but I can at least make due with what I have; and look to the future.

Usually I'm not about New Years resolutions, because I just kind of set goals as I go, but I think a good one for this year will be to finally get everything back on track. I plan on sparking the channel up again, I meant to earlier; but didn't have everything I needed at hand. I plan on expanding beyond just doing gaming stuff, and the odd modding tutorial. I want to see if I can actually do something a bit more creative, though, none of that stuff is going away entirely. So far, the new year is looking bright, which is not something I expected to say after everything that's happened. So, here's to a bright future for myself, and all of you reading this. In hindsight, having a little blog where I can just ramble away is kind of nice. I need to get around to finishing off my pages here, odds are I'll do it in a burst of motivation, I recently found out that I have ADHD; which probably explains why I have trouble seeing some stuff through at least in a timely manner.

Either way, I think I've rambled on long enough. So, hopefully there will be more substantial updates in the near future!

12/28/2023

Howdy, it's been a while. All momentum was stopped for a bit due to a new job and several changes in my life, but things are still looking up, especially now more than ever. I haven't abandoned the site, and do still want to do everything mentioned in the previous update. I just needed, and still need a bit of time to get everything together. I've found new friends, new places, returned to some old habits and hobbies, and even picked up some more. I really don't know how personal I want to get with these blog updates, so they might vary a bit in tone.

This is mostly just to let you all know I am still alive, still planning on updating things, and maybe even doing more overhauls than planned. But, well, hindsight is 20/20 and life is life; sometimes it's a smooth patch of road, and others take you down a winding mountain path. I think I'm on the mountain path right now, but hey, at least it's pretty look at. Either way, I hope you all are doing well yourselves, and I wish you all a lovely new year. Take care of yourselves, you only get one life. And, no matter how dark things get; it will pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it'll eventually pass.

10/15/2023

Alright, so now that I finally got it set up, after hours of trouble shooting due to a single missing character; the blog is live. It will be laid out similarly to the changelog you see on the main page, but more personal updates or thoughts and feelings as opposed to short and sweet little updates. Well, some might short and sweet, either way I am meandering.

So, I expected to be able to be far more active in maintaining this place, but as with the beginning of my year life has been in the way; everything from a new job to just other responsibilities as a whole. Hopefully, this should be clearing up soon and I can get to work on the other pages, that have been under construction for far too long I'd say. ETA for those is still in the air, because as we know life stops for no one until they're dead. Plans as it stands are to wrap up the Creator Resources page first because that will take far less time and effort, and from there the shrines page will be next priority. Plans for the shrines page are going to be somewhat similar to the main, just some simple divs with a preview of each individual shrine; from there we'll see how extra I decide to go with them. I have plans for at least the following shrines: Pokémon, Fallout, and Music as a whole.

I can also get in to why I tend to keep my pages simple, I guess, that's largely because it just pleases my brain. As mentioned, I am on the spectrum, and I really like having nice; neat; and orderly spaces. My website, of course, being one of them. Though, I may eventually set the windows to be moveable for fun, I'm still undecided on that. But, there's your main reason for why things are as simplistic and basic as they are.

And, I'm not sure what to say next here, so this is where the first blog entry will end. You can expect these to be of varying lengths dependent on what's going on at the time, though I wouldn't expect them to go too super overboard. Oh! I also plan to add little easter eggs sprinkled throughout the site in the future, and I will not be saying when I add them, you'll have to find them on your own.~